We all admire people who are bold, confident and unapologetically authentic. In a world filled with people-pleasers and copycats, those who are unabashed of their flaws, unmoved by condemnation and brave enough to speak their truth become a case study for many. How did these unique individuals rise above their insecurities? Were they born confident, or was it acquired?
As babies, regardless of where we are born or who we come out of or how, we are free of the need for comparison. We are unable to differentiate beauty from ugliness. We find everything fascinating, to us, the sun shines just as beautifully as the stars. Unfortunately, as time goes, our parents, relatives, and unwelcome strangers start pointing out the not so perfect things about us, our funny ears, our big nose and the mole on our forehead. The things we once never took note of, become the very things we try to hide. We now know that in comparison to others we are flawed, maybe a little too flawed to be loved.
We should be proud of our uniqueness, proud of the things that make us different, yet, our loud laugh, the colour of our skin, our beautifully sculptured body and all our quirks but they become the reason we hide. We were never chosen first, everyone did better than us, sometimes we begged for acceptance, and at night when we closed our eyes to sleep, the thought of never being good enough danced in our heads and haunted us even in our sleep. After all, if they all say it then it must be true. Over time our insecurities grew, just like a well-watered plant.
Now as adults, our old wounds have healed, so we think and new wounds are being inflicted. Lovers leave, jobs are lost and the need for acceptance is higher than ever. And we start trying to conceal our scars. We can either decide to channel our energy into becoming better versions of ourselves or decide to live according to the poor opinion of others.
Regardless of what we decide to do, we will never truly be free until we let go of the need for acceptance, wear our flaws as accessories, accept our quirks and come to terms with the fact that no matter how good we become there will always be someone better. Until we come to a place of acceptance and self-awareness, every unanswered call, unread message, missed invitation and comment about a flaw will take us back to a time when we felt weak, alone and unsure of our place in the world.
Being insecure keeps us in need of constant reassurance that no matter how great we look or how well we’ve done if we aren’t acknowledged we start to doubt ourselves. This constant need for validation becomes our self imposed prison. Walls are built and those who try to come close are burdened with the task of making us whole as if we are ignorant of the fact that the task of making ourselves feel complete is ours to bear and ours alone.
Also, the limiting belief that we can never have what we desire is rooted in our insecurities. Are our desires truly out of our reach or do we feel undeserving of good things that even when they come to us, we question their authenticity? We self-destruct, overthink and overanalyze everything, all in an attempt to prove that truly, we will never be enough. Our flaws, blemishes, and imperfections aren’t limitations, the belief that because of them we are unworthy is the limitation. Being grateful for all that we are and all that we can be is the best way to set ourselves free because truly, we are enough.