First dates do not have to be scary, they can be wonderful, exciting, and informative; revealing important information that would be helpful during the relationship. However, there are a plethora of things that can affect the quality of a date, ranging from the choice of venue to conversation topics. To get the most of out of a date, especially the first date, we mustn’t overlook any of these factors. Luckily, there is already an amazing article on the blog about great first date ideas. So, it would not be discussed in this article. If you haven’t read it, you can do so using this link.
After choosing a location, the subject of appearance becomes a major concern: How should one dress to a date? After this is handled, the question of conversation arises: What questions should I ask? In this article, we would be looking at some of these challenges and how best to overcome them. If you desire to create meaningful connections even if they will not lead to romantic relationships, you undoubtedly want it to be worth your while.
The subject of appearance is a very touchy one. Adults do not like to be told how to dress, neither do they think it is reasonable for someone to lose interest in them because of something as superficial as their appearance, but if we put down our defenses for a second, our attraction to things and people based on aesthetics would become obvious to us. With this in mind, let us be considerate of others. It would be insensitive to dress casually in jeans and t-shirt to a formal date. It would show a total disregard for the other party’s feelings and an obvious lack of interest. If they could bother to make an effort, so could you, else, you could have as well stayed home. However, your style should not be compromised; it is an expression of who you are, and it is always a good idea to go on a date as your authentic self because a relationship built on falsehood is bound to crumble.
Choosing an outfit can be less unnerving if you know the location of the date, the time, and the theme. You can do so by simply asking your date or by suggesting a time and a place you are familiar with. If for whatever reason this fails, you can always opt for a simple but elegant outfit. Always remember you can never go wrong in neutral colors and dress shoes.
While on a date, you are supposed to ask questions. Simply put, you are supposed to speak. It is not a phone conversation, and one-word answers aren’t as exciting as you think. If for some reason you find your date uninteresting, come up with an excuse to leave, but while you are there, engage in a conversation. Remember, you are on the date to collect vital information. Think of yourself as a researcher.
As a researcher, superficial questions like their favorite color will have no impact on your work. It is too basic and can not be developed into a theory. Instead of asking such questions, try asking them about their interests (people love to talk about things that excite them). From asking this simple question, you can learn a lot about your date; passion, drive, and ambition. Also, try as much as you can not to turn your date into an interview. Questions about their standard of living should be avoided, it is offensive. You will have all the time in the world to find out later if they belong to the one percent or not. For now, enjoy the date and focus on assessing compatibility and availability. Ask the right questions.
Asking the right questions will help you gauge your compatibility level, it will help you make an informed decision and save you a lot of stress and drama in the future. Never go into a relationship with someone who doesn’t want a relationship, at least not with you. Therefore, it is important to ask about emotional availability. Are they emotionally available? If you ask only about their relationship status, their answer will not be of much value. Being single does not equate emotional availability – a researcher would know this. But bear in mind that lies would be told, and half-truths will be shared. So, no matter what they say, hold your horses. It is not time to start planning a wedding.
UNDERSTAND MASCULINE AND FEMININE ENERGY
At the risk of upsetting a good number of people, I have to say, men and women are not the same. This is not a question of equality; people can be equal but different. It is, therefore, necessary to acknowledge the biological make-up of both sexes and years of societal programming when caught in the messy but exciting business of romance. On a date, assuming you are a heterosexual couple, it is safe to say both parties are interested in building a relationship with the opposite sex. It would be counterproductive to display traits that are associated with the opposite sex. You are not at a tavern shooting darts with your friends, you are on a date, and it would be wise to keep this in mind. However, it must be stated that masculine and feminine energy has nothing to do with gender. Both energies are present in all of us with one being more dominant than the other. As earlier stated, years of societal programming have compelled us to acknowledge one more often than the other, especially when with strangers.
ETIQUETTE AND COMMUNICATION
Our actions more than our words say a lot about us. Regardless of who we claim to be, if our actions do not match our words, our authenticity would be questioned. It is, therefore, important that we speak and act accordingly. We can not claim to be respectful but act disrespectfully towards others. Also, when it comes to the subject of communication, words only make up a little fraction of the message, and according to Dr. Mehrabian, the interpretation of a message is 7 percent verbal, 38 percent vocal, and 55 percent visual. The conclusion was 93 percent of communication is ‘’nonverbal’’ in nature. Taking this into account, our behavior and mannerism have to reflect our desires. If we want to be taken seriously, we have to take ourselves seriously and act accordingly. Being late to your date or having your phone in your hand or on the table within your reach show poor etiquette. When it comes to the question of who pays or how the bill should be split, take consider the dynamics of the relationship, but often, the provider pays (whoever that is).
Remember, it is a date, not an audition. You are not auditioning for a husband or a wife; there’s no prize to be won either. You would still have an amazing love life regardless of the outcome of the date. Moreover, they say the best things in life happen unexpectedly, and the best type of love is the one that finds you. Relax and enjoy the date; your anxiety can even be used as an icebreaker. You might even discover that your date is just as nervous as you are. Lastly, do not forget to smile; a smile is a great confidence booster and can turn strangers into friends.